Job Opening
Start Date: Immediate
End Date: Until Eternity Comes
Applicants
to apply: Men,
women, children. No age discrimination. Black, White, Tan, or any combination.
Qualifications: Must be able to love all as
unconditionally as possible, management will understand the occasional slip in
this area due to your human fallibility. Desirable to be able to interact with
others of different ethnicities, social and economic backgrounds, cultural
histories, educational levels (just because you run and multi-billion dollar
corporation doesn’t mean you are smart enough to change the oil in your car),
and moral tendencies as we are all doing the best we can with the information
we have at the time. Must be able to stand firmly on the truth of God’s Holy
Bible without being self-righteous, condescending, judgmental, holier-than-thou
(only one perfect being ever lived and you ain’t Him), or exclusionary on who
may receive the Grace of the Most High God.
Duties: To love the Lord God with all your
heart, all your soul, all your mind, all your strength; and to love your
neighbor as your yourself. Note from
management: (constantly work on the love thy self part as it will allow you
to give greatly to others without the feeling of being used or unappreciated.)
Management believes that if you will dutifully and consistently read the Basic
Instructions Before Leaving Earth; hereafter referred to as The Bible, that
the rest of the required duties will naturally come as they are all built upon
the formerly mentioned 1st duty. It is highly suggested that you
regularly call on Management to give you discernment on these instructions, as
you study them and press them deeply into your heart, so that rather than
blindly accepting the opinions of others, no matter how well intended, you may
counsel with them on the fullness and accuracy of their statements about the
Bible.
Warning: While Management is not desirous of
division, derision, contention, or conflict not only within the team, but
without; it is clearly stated in the B.I.B.L.E. that you will be persecuted in
the name of Management. It is sad and unfortunate that this persecution may
come from family, friends, co-workers, definitely the World at large, and maybe
even those who claim to be your fellows in this task.
Purpose: To share the message of
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE stated in the B.I.B.L.E., for all who will receive it. This
will be shown in majority by your mirroring the actions of the focus of the
B.I.B.L.E., the Son of God,(aka Jesus Christ). It will also be extremely
advantageous for you to be ready to share the various lessons and miracles done
by Management as proof of being. Though Management is not required to do this,
in His understanding of our limitations and His all-encompassing desire that
none should perish, He willing gave this testimonial.
Benefits: No guarantee of salary or
compensation to the majority of the team. While this is a full-time position
you will most likely be required to keep gainful employment to care for your
day to day needs. (Note: Management has been regularly known to intercede on
your behalf in the hearts of your worldly managers to increase your provision.)
Long-time team members have stated that one of the greatest benefits has been,
“A peace that surpasses all understanding”.
As for the
retirement plan, it is Heavenly.
Where to
apply: Applicants
are asked to get down on their knees and call out to Management; confessing
that though they are not worthy, they desire admission on grounds of the shed
blood of Jesus Christ, which was spilt for the remission of our sins.
Management would like to state that this gift is given freely, by Grace, and
cannot be bought, sold, bartered, or bargained for in anyway. No amount of
money, work, or “good deeds”, are acceptable and may be gained only through
acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord, Savior, and Redeemer.
