The Eyes of God

You are greater in the eyes of the Lord than in your own. As simple a statement as there is for some; as confusing as can be for others. I was at Men's camp last weekend and this was one of the first things shared by the speaker. As my post in July shared, I have been in a season of confusion. This next statement, as well as the former, have helped me to start emerging from the fog. Small faith is not unbelief. While I don't believe my faith demenished during this time, it was a time of confusion. Since all of my post are shared in the hope of helping others realize how much God loves them; it is important for me to share not only the ups, but also the struggles. Our concepts and understanding of relationships come from, now watch this, other fallible people. Since we have all at one time or another been hurt by those we love, who love us, and ones we trust; it is somewhat difficult to accept unconditional love. One of my biggest challenges comes from the fact that knowing and accepting God's unconditional love for me, I still struggle with self-doubt and low esteem. Some where inside of me still hangs on to the, "do a good job, get a good reward, and they will be proud of you." In my first couple of years with God I had a much better acceptance that I was pleasing to God, not that I had to please Him. We, at least I, make our relationship with Him way too difficult. As I have shared on FB I am currently reading True-Faced. I am only half way but the current, and maybe overall theme, is that we must move from pleasing God to trusting God. No matter how well intended, if we hang on to having to continually please God, then we are not trusting that through Christ and grace we are freely given His love and acceptance into His family. I guess with me I felt that the more mature a Christian I became, the better and more serving Christian I should become. Our love, desire, and relationship with our children is the closest we can come to our relationship with God. Knowing how much I love my children, desired to instill that love and pride in them, and grossly blowing it; makes it somewhat difficult to grasp His perfect love for us. I will end with two things; "We fight from victory, not for victory." and "He that began a good work in us, will be faithfull to complete it." Yours in Christ, Mike

In the desert

Hello, it's been quite a while since my last post. I must admit that the last year has been emotionally challenging. At this time my pursuing a career in golf has come to a halt. That in its self was not crushing. What was a bit disheartening was the time and expense my wife and I had invested. We had been practicing and preparing for about 5 years. When God had initially put this on my heart I was a bit confused. It would take much too long to explain why it was so unexpected. Julie and I prayed because I sincerely wanted her guidance on this direction. I have long been proficient in golf and pursued it when I was younger. It would have never entered either of our minds at this date and age. We both felt that maybe God was giving me a second chance at something I loved and was very proficient at. I definitely put in the time and practice that I had not when I was younger. I played well in the few qualifiers I was able to participate in but inexperience in tournament play showed. With finances tight because of unemployment and no success gaining sponsorship last March we had to pack away the dream. I truly could not understand why God had led me here and not further. We could speculate for eternity and only God knows. What I did learn over the last year is that God still loves me. I never really doubted it but I must admit at times the commitee in my head played havoc with me. I am sured I have shared with you before that God's answer is at times no, at times yes, at times later, and sometimes it is let me teach you. While I consider myself of above average intelligence, I do not consider myself a good student. Fortunately God is always patient with me. What I learned, or relearned, in the last year is that it is not about me. I have oftern said that I just want to do whatever God wants me to do. This, for me, is not easy to put into practice. I have a compulsive, competive personality. Over the last year God has sent many messages my way so I could learn there is only 1 truly important thing, serving Him. There is nothing I could ever do in this world more important than sharing God with others. When we truly focus on that, God smiles. Through the years of training I still loved God deeply, but maybe my focus on His purpose became clouded. Golf was an avenue, totally submitting to His will is the destination. We too often, with all good intention, get diverted from the destination by focusing too intently on the avenue. I ask for your prayers for employment and contentment. My heart is willing but the body is weak. If your life isn't going in the direction you want maybe you need to change drivers.  God Bless you all             Yours in Christ, Mike